Bitter Woman Seeks Martyr
by kimcooperx
Summary: Minerva McGonnagle muses on her life, lost hopes and old photographs. MMcGxSS


**Title:** Bitter Old Woman Desperately Seeking A Martyr

**Author:**PerfectxReality

**Summary:** Minerva looks back on her relationship with Severus and changes her outlook on life in order to be with him.

**Pairings:** Minerva McGonagall x Severus Snape

**Rating:** T

**Warnings:** DH Spoilers

**Word Count:** 1155

**Author's Note:** None for now :P

Sitting by the fire, in her cosy room up near the Gryffindor Common Room, Minerva McGonnagle drank a much deserved glass of Mulled-Wine. It was rare she allowed herself such a treat and so, as she sat back, kicking off her shoes, she gave her wand a flick and the room was filled with the sound of Celestina Warbeck singing her infamous song 'A Cauldron Full Of Hot Strong Love'. Her glass in her left hand, Minerva placed the wand currently occupying her right to her side and slowly pulled the hair pin holding her hair in a tight chignon from her dark, yet slightly greying locks. As her hair fell around her shoulders and cascaded down her back, Minerva sighed. It had been such a long time since she had worn her hair loose for even in bed she wore it in a braid.

In her younger years, Minerva had been quite the looker, with her long dark hair and full lips, her sharp wit and great sense of humour. But as years past, and loves came and went, her frivolity and cheerful outlook on life dwindled and she found herself becoming more and more pessimistic. Of course, it was all his fault. If he had just survived the war, her life would have been complete. She never asked for much. Not from him. Just **survive**. Was that really so much to ask? And now she was left here alone. Of course, many students had questioned their relationship : too close at times, too distant at others.

Slipping her hand into the pocket of her deep purple robes, she produced a picture. She had cut it carefully from the Daily Prophet on the day of his funeral which of course, she hadn't attended. Too grief stricken, she had spent the day in her room, crying until she was hoarse and no more tears would come. The photo was dark which made it quite hard, combined with his dark hair and eyes, to see his face, and what a handsome face it was. Or at least, to Minerva it was. Stroking the paper cheek, Minerva let a rare tear fall onto the paper as the scowling face blinked and frowned up at her. Since the day of his funeral, she had not cried - bottling it inside and causing herself much hurt and self destruction.

She had never denied the fact that she did not, at first, trust him. But over the seventeen years in which he worked at the school dutifully, Minerva slowly began to trust him more until that one day, thirteen years after his first arrival, when she realized she had fallen for Severus Snape.

It had been foolish of her to think that he no longer had any involvement in the war - whether it be for the greater good or not. Of course, almost exactly a year before his death, he and Minerva had come to a head so to speak. She had found out of his involvement with the Malfoys, thus resulting in the Unbreakable Vow he had made and, sceptical as ever, she had highly doubted that Draco Malfoy OR Severus would be able to complete the task in hand. After a long, drawn out argument, in which Severus blatantly refused to back down, they came to the terms that perhaps their relationship wasn't going to work out. After all, if Minerva continued to argue with him and draw the argument out over a longer time period, surely she couldn't understand his obligations and tasks which he was bound to do ?

And so, as their relationship crumbled, Minerva began to revert into herself - spending less time with the faculty and more time on her own, for she couldn't bear to spend any more time than was needed around Professor Snape.

During the last year of his life, their already bitter relationship had become so full of hatred that she could barely manage to spend more than a minute in the same room as the newly appointed headmaster. Fully believing Severus to have killed Albus Dumbledore out of his own free will, Minerva spent every spare moment plotting his demise although deep down, she knew she could never carry out the plots for she still loved him. And every time their paths crossed, while her mouth would spew much venom and spite, her heart would leap and her ribs would become sore from the insistent pressure her heart was putting on them from beating so hard and furious.

She would never agree with his plans or methods of working. Never get on well with the teachers he appointed and purposely correct and defy him. Of course, people said she stayed to keep the Gryffindors 'in check' and to make sure that her students came to no harm. This was not true. Although, with the obligations to the students of her house, she did partially stay for that reason, her main reason behind it was to see Severus for she knew that, should she leave the school, she would never see him again because neither of them expected to make it through the war.

One night, as the dark nights surrounding winter dwindles away and the early buds of Spring arose in the Hogwarts grounds, Minerva came to a conclusion : she would rectify this mess with Severus and, if he would have her, she would profess her love to him. If this had gone to plan, she was sure she could have saved him. If that stupid Goyle boy had not caused such a disturbance in Transfiguration and brought up the relationship between she and Severus. She could have done it. But somehow, her confidence slowly ebbed away and she was left doubting herself.

And so, that love that was never professed was kept inside her. She never spoke to him again. Not even in passing, for a mere ten days later, he met his demise.

And, as the days passed, slowly turning into weeks, then months, Minerva's heart broke more and more until she was left with the stone she currently bore in the place her heart once beat. She had become so cynical and cold hearted that those she once counted as friends had long since abandoned her and she was left with only her memories of Severus.

Stuck with the promise that one day they would be together again. Well she was giving up on that promise. Giving up on the hope that one day she would see him again. For she wouldn't. Bitter old women didn't go to the place martyrs went. And so, ripping up the photo, the only piece of him she had left, she decided : she would stop holding onto hopes and dreams and instead, look to changing her life. Acting in a way that would make Severus proud and maybe, just maybe, she'd get to see him again. 


End file.
